Writing to Her

To the one that holds my heart,

Can’t help but smile when I think about our past. The only time I’m ever at ease is when I hear your voice, see your smile, hold you, talk to you, and know you are happy. It hurts me to never get a chance to talk to you anymore, to know that we are both in a time where we could be far happier. That very thought stirs feelings; the ones I’m told constantly to forget and let go of. I’d love to see someone hold the same feelings I have and not be able to bear. My heart sinks when I hear you’re distress. 

If I haven’t described love then please somebody show me what it is. To take a bullet would be an understatement in the case of just what I’d be willing to do for you. I almost have to limit my ove to make sure that I know you can be happy, yet there are endless things, feelings and thoughts that I want and need to share to you. I can only say this abut one person in my life that isn’t blood;

I don’t know where I would be without you and for that I will love you forever and a day.

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2 in the Morning

Coming to terms with life at this moment. 

Change.

It really is a necessity in life. I’m swallowing my pride, feeling a confidence that I may make it through these adversities and able to make something of myself. I mean if I can weather the anguish, anxiety, and stress, then I have no limits. I can only go up. 

There is a life I want, the life I had, and where I am today. New people, new experiences, new opportunities. Is this the first of the optimism that I need, or a mere “eye of the storm” as I have recently experienced. Who knows? Guess this is the most optimistic I have been in the past month or so. 

Pessimism move aside.

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CRASH

Not in the mood for words. Can’t help but feel this anguish in my soul.

Creeping up to my mind, where all thoughts are victim to this poison. 

Love, food, the little things that made me happy before, no longer do justice. 

A smile is a rare feat these days.

Numbing myself constantly, suppressing the very feelings I have always wanted.

When will I find the answers? Where will I find them? How? 

Questions, stress, insomnia & anxiety; attacks from every angle.

I wonder how long my body can really last?

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